Empathy

"That's empathy," said my mother. "That means you're normal."

Sometimes I have the hardest time relating to other people's emotions. Other times it feels super easy. This weekend my sister was married. I was a groomsman, so that means I was up on the stage when I glanced down to see the groom's father barely able to contain himself as my sister walked down the aisle with our father. He was having a hard time, too.

It seems I caught a glimpse of fatherhood's goal that day - to send your son/daughter off and place them in the trusting hands of someone else. That hits me pretty hard. My sister's father-in-law and our own father appear to have a lot in common. They are both men of faith who have given all that they are to their families. And now these two families are merged together. There's no denying that much has changed (and will change) now that marriage has bound my sister and brother-in-law. That title alone is my example: "brother-in-law." I've gained a brother-in-law and so has the groom. I'm probably being so reflective about all this because he is, in fact, my only "brother" - having grown up with two sisters. This poses so many questions - ones that I won't have any say in, and for that I'm surprisingly content with. One will be holidays. Whose house will Thanksgiving be at? Will my sister be home for Christmas? This all seems to support my idea that growing up has no correlation with one's age - it all is a matter of when you pack up and leave you're parents' house on your own or through marriage. When you're on your own, you (and your spouse, if that's the case) decide where you'll spend Christmas - not your parents. Part of me wonders if loving parents can ever be "okay" with that. They've spent nearly 24 years caring for and disciplining a child, and now they're suppose to give them complete independence. Can my parents honestly be okay with my sister and brother-in-law going out of the country for a week on their honeymoon (sans any "adult supervision")? Will my sister call each night before bed to say she's okay? Can parents honestly and completely "let go" of their child?

I think I've had time to process it all: My sister is officially grown-up now.

Back to empathy.

Relating to the emotions and situations of all the fathers and mothers this weekend was shockingly easy. It hit me hard in the stomach when I got up on that church stage and waited for the rest of the bridal party to enter the sanctuary. Beyond the excited "this is it" feeling everyone was experiencing, I couldn't help but let all those parenthood emotions emitted from the first pew to weigh down on me. I felt my lip quivering; my legs seemed to grow heavy. Along with all that joy, I could sense the pride of parenthood accomplishment. The look on the groom's father's face exclaimed the triumph of raising his son to manhood. It was as if seeing his boy find the love of his life also completed a chapter in his life. These are all things I've considered to be majorly significant in human life - if not sacred. I think it's official: I want to be a father more than anything else.