So a nightmare woke me up early yesterday morning. You probably think that's very mundane, and you're probably assuming I'll go into detail about it -- but I won't. Here's what I'm getting at. Does your mind ever pause to register where you are and what day it is when you wake up? Mine always does. Maybe it's a normal thing that everyone goes through. In fact, maybe it's so habitual that we don't notice it as much. Anyways, I've been getting in a nasty trend of waking up and instantly knowing where I am and quickly remembering what happened the previous day. That's the thing I hate -- especially when the previous day was moderately crappy. Most of the past week has been moderately crappy. It's very cold outside. I'm feeling socially inapt. I'm constantly reminded of my personal faults. The foundation of a potential relationship is crumpling under me. And all the while, my walk with Christ seems to be at a stand-still. Welcome to November.
Well, I'm trying to be optimistic. No one seriously wants to read about other people's problems. Maybe you do, and that's fine -- but I feel like my recent voice on here has been...well, emo. How did that happen?!
Anyways, what I'm getting at is this: the world I was waking up to seemed worse than the nightmare that caused me to wake up in the first place. Whoa, hold on -- don't think too hard upon that. That's not a cryptic metaphor or some song lyric. It might even sound unoriginal, however it's very true for me. In other words, Sunday wasn't a good day for me. I won't go into detail. It's nothing bad -- just things I wish I had more control over but don't. Ah, what can you do?
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2 years ago
2 comments:
On the contrary; problems are a natural part of life.
The things you're talking about now--social ineptness, loneliness, isolation, alienation, and lack of faith--are what I was dealing with two years ago.
It took me a very long time to come out of that. Please talk to someone constructive about this, someone who can help.
If you have no one around you right now, reach out to friends from high school or trusted relatives.
Sometimes, in our weakest moments, we're too ashamed to use the bonds we do have. I hid my depression from my family for ages, until finally I'd gone so far to the end of the brink that my life was in danger.
In a way, I wish I was there with you right now, just so you had someone to talk to.
Oh, and the thing about waking up and then hating where you are is very poignant and resonant.
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