Maybe Limbo

As much as I don't want my blog to turn into a place where I pour out my frustrations, I can't help but do a little recap on some recent (very recent) events.

I attempted this afternoon, against much hesitation and second-guessing, to make a "first move" towards forming a "more-than-friends" relationship with a special someone. I can tell you right here and now that I'm currently in the worst position possible: the Maybe Limbo.

Maybe is never a good answer -- not just in regards to asking a girl to hang out (in the library of all places!), but in almost every sense. Saying maybe is tantalizing. It gives you a glimpse of hope that appears so pleasantly close; however, if I know anything about girls (in which case I do, thanks to having two sisters), saying "maybe" is usually a method of avoidance. Okay. I can't speak for everyone -- especially the person who I'm attempting to pursue -- but I can tell you that giving the maybe is almost always subtle substitute for a blatant no.

Here's how I see it: If she truly wanted to get to know me more and hang out (in the library of all places!), she would have said yes. Flip the situation around: What would you do if you were asked by someone you secretly liked to hang out? You would probably drop all prior engagements and honestly try to make it work. Saying maybe doesn't have much enthusiasm behind it. Welcome to the Maybe Limbo.

Well, I'm still in the Maybe Limbo as I sit here at my desk typing into early hours of the evening -- anxiously waiting for a text message I truthfully want to come more than anything. I'm trying my best to be confident. I sadly have a history of failed relationships, and now I've put a lot of consideration and, to be honest, prayer into my current actions. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't certain I wanted it. I've grown to take this sort of thing seriously (maybe too seriously). What can I say? I don't want to get hurt and, more importantly, I don't want to hurt anyone else. The way I see it, this approach should work. So far I think it works...well, I can't say for certain. My success rate still remains low.

Maybe I'll give this approach a maybe.

Mountain Hardware Recap

I did end up buying the fleece shirt. And I bought a Camelbak bottle (the ones you see everyone with) to nudge the order over $50 to qualify for free shipping. It would have cost literally the same either way.

Okay. No more buying. We're in an economic crisis. Let's wait until the market gets back up.

This post takes a random turn halfway...

Okay. First of all I need to thanks my new "follower" here on Blogger. I actually had no idea there were such things on here...but I guess there are.

So this weekend was fall break and yesterday I had the (distinguished) privilege to attend the Heartland Film Festival Gala in Indianapolis. It was totally random that I managed to score a ticket -- and for free, that is! I'm slowly learning that my profs are kinda...well, up in the business. They know people -- important people.

Anyways, the gala was ridiculously awesome. I was almost worried that I would be underdressed with my unmatching tuxedo and pants (I had to mix and match with my roommate's wardrobe). Still, black is black and the night was dubbed a "black tie affair"; you can never go wrong if you show up in a monochromatic ensemble. But still, there were some very classy people there. The air of the lobby reaked of Prada suits and gold cuff links. I felt out of place. Majorly.

I was there with 7 other students who (as far as I know) shared in my misplacement. We were young. Most everyone there was over 40 I'm guessing. It's this type of crowd that makes it possible for the institute to give away so much money to the festival winners. I'm betting if you make even a slightly generous donation you'll be forever glorified as an honorable patron.

Blah blah blah. Let's skip the award ceremony details and fastforward to the afterparty. I'll have you know that it was here that I was offered for the first time in my life if I'd like "a drink". That's right -- I never got smashed drinking Jack or Corona or "that cheap stuff" in the basement of some parentless suburban home during my high school years. No, it was at a film festival afterparty that I, for the first time in my life, could have drank alcohol. And I proudly declined -- thank you very much. All you ignorant high school juniors who think you're the bee's knees for downing a whole bottle can take said bottle and _______ it in your ________ .

Replace the above blanks with "throw" and "recycling can". Gotta keep it PG. Do your part. Recycle.

I don't know why, but I wanted to point that out. It has little to do with the festival, but I figured it was worth mentioning. Drunkenness infuriates me. And what infuriates me more is when it's underage. I like to eliminate the possibility of ever "losing myself" to something as materialistic and selfish as alcohol by abstaining from it.

Okay. Done rambling. Byeeeeeeeee.

Gloriously Vague: The Indie Stereotype

Second post in one day? This must be special

Okay. Time for a confession.

For the longest time (give or take 6 months) I've been afraid of a certain stereotype; however in the back of my mind I've been been secretly striving to achieve its title. I'm indie, I think.

According to Urban Dictionary, "indie" has a vast myriad of meanings. The most popular and reoccurring definition refers to music -- "Indie Rock". Short for "independent rock", the title is pretty much tacked on to any album that isn't under a major label. Even this can be reduced to a stereotype in itself: indie music is anything that isn't popular. I'll be the first to admit that there's a certain sense of "togetherness" and "universality" in enjoying a band that is hardly known outside its suburban hometown. You're just as normal, lame, quirky and unique as that dude up on stage rocking the electric mandolin or that girl in her mid-twenties who probably dropped out of art school to play keyboard and sing lead vocals.

When not referring to music, indie (according again to Urban Dictionary -- the infinite source of all things useless) is more of a style stereotype. If anything, it's a stereotype for someone who has no stereotype.

So yeah...I think that describes me. Of all the possible stereotypes out there, I'd rather have "indie" than anything else. This way I'm void of all stereotypes. Yay!

Mountain Hardware

Is $38.97 a good price for a fleece "Micro Chill" shirt?

No me gusta los deportes.

I was reminded again today why I don't play competitive sports anymore (especially of the contact variety).

Today my dorm wing had a pick-up soccer game. I'm not completely sure what "pick-up" means, but I assumed it hinted at a casual, non-intense game of stress-free competition. Obviously you can see where this is going.

Yeah, the game wasn't like that at all. I soon found out that our friendly game was really a practice game for our intramural team -- which I'm currently not participating in -- and for good reasons. The last time I played formal soccer was at age eight, and let's just say I wasn't the star player. Yep, no Italian blood here. All I have is endurance -- it's kinda my thing. Six years of cross-country paid off apparently. But skill? None. And it was blatantly obvious some of the hot-shot freshmen were simply toying with me. I'm that bad.

Despite my slightly damaged moral, I had fun. But this afternoon was a harsh reminder that my competitiveness is usually channeled in the wrong way. Instead of bringing my athletic "A-game", I tend to accept the fact that I, in all seriousness, suck at sports that involve moving a ball into a designated scoring area.

Alright, done complaining.

A Biblical Insight

Ok. What I'm about to say may be common knowledge to many of you -- I don't know where you all are coming from, so I can't say for sure. Anyways, my Biblical Literature professor said something really cool today and I felt like sharing it.

The 40 days Jesus spent in the wilderness represents the 40 years the nation of Israel spent in the wilderness prior to entering Canaan. In many ways, Jesus is the "new nation" because he spent his time in the wilderness resisting temptation whereas Israel in the Old Testament constantly did wrong in God's eyes.

Do I have that right?